Monday, May 30, 2016

Guard Cat

I take my job as guard cat very seriously. Dogs and other cats know better than to come into my yard. I Patrol the area at various times throughout the day and night. If a dog or other cat steps one paw into my yard, I immediately begin hissing and going after them. Usually my awful hissing sounds are enough to get them running, but if that doesn't work I run right up to them to chase them off. Size doesn't matter to me either. I chased a Doberman around my back yard a few times until I ran him off. If they still don't get the hint after hissing and chasing them, I will resort to violence. By violence I mean clawing and biting. Most dogs run away immediately. However a few have had to be swat in the face before they took me seriously. It's the other cats that refuse to leave. For some reason they insist on hanging around to fight.  As if they could bully me off my own land. Well, I refuse to be bullied, so if they insist on a fight, I let them have it. After all, I must defend my home.

Monday, May 23, 2016

Too Much Fun in Dylan's Room

I wonder if Dylan realizes how much I play in his room while he's at school. I especially love it when he forgets to clean his room. I get into his piles of toys and dig around making noises and rolling all over them. I paw at his piles of clothes too, then I take naps on them. 

I especially enjoy getting on his furniture and jumping from one to the other. Only one time when I jumped from his dresser to his TV, I accidentally knocked the entire dresser over and it came crashing into the TV almost knocking it off the table. That scared me to death so I "high tailed" it out of there and stayed away from that room for two days. When my human mom came home and discovered it, Dylan got into trouble for leaving the drawers open in his dresser. She thought that was why it fell over. I just stayed silent and let her continue thinking that!

Monday, May 16, 2016

Rotten Meat

I think I ate some rotten meat outside today. My tummy was really hurting most of the afternoon. When I finally went back inside I headed straight for the litter box. Whew! What I left behind was horrendous!

 I kind of felt bad for Dylan that evening when he had to scoop it out. He was gagging and coughing as he scooped. When he exclaimed, "What did you eat, Jazzy?" I walked by and tried to act like I had no clue what he was talking about. Mental note: no more eating tuna out of the neighbors' garbage.

Monday, May 9, 2016


Okay, what is the deal with that blanket my human mother got for Christmas? She calls it the softie and she won't let anyone touch it! Yeah right! I'm all over that thing when she's gone. I roll on it, paw at it, and take lots of naps on it. She has no idea! Well... Ok... She has caught me once or twice. But she has no idea just how much I nap in that thing!

HER softie?  Yeah right!

Saturday, May 7, 2016


I love it when Dylan leaves his small toys in the hallway for me to play with in the middle of the night. He calls them Legos. He plays with them during the day, and lets me borrow them at night. (He wouldn't leave them out if he wasn't offering them to me.)

My favorite time to play with them is at 4:00 am when the house is completely quiet. Those Legos make great sounds sliding across the floor and banging into the walls. I just don't understand why my human mom and dad get so mad at me for playing with them. Maybe they don't realize that Dylan let me borrow them? It's not like he's going to be playing with them. After all, he's asleep! Humans!

Wednesday, May 4, 2016

The Bath

I had to go through a very traumatic experience today! My human mom and Dylan gave me what they called a bath! What in the world did I ever do to deserve that kind of torture?  I was just minding my own business outside rolling around in all kinds of stuff. When I came in they rubbed my back and kept talking about how dirty I was. Yeah, my hair was kind of gooey and sticking up on my back. Yeah, I did have sand all over me. But I really don't think I deserved the bath torture chamber over that! They cornered me and put me in this big tub of WATER! Don't they realize us cats do not like getting wet? I was so shocked at first I couldn't fight back. They held me in the water and started rubbing all this soapy stuff in my fur! They were mad at me for getting dirt in my fur, and then they go put water and other foamy stuff in it! That makes no sense! Finally I started trying to fight my way out, but I could hardly move! I tried so hard, but I was getting nowhere. Then they poured more water on me and picked me up and wrapped me in some sort of rough blanket. By then I was very ticked off and so humiliated. Then, on top of everything else, they left me alone locked in that room! I was so mad!!! I meowed my head off for awhile, but they kept telling me to dry myself off. What?!?! They are the ones who poured water all over me! Now they were demanding that I dry myself before they would let me out? How dare they! I showed them. I refused to lick myself completely dry. I just meowed and scratched at the door until they finally got tired of hearing it and let me out of that room. But it was a whole day before they let me outside again!

Saturday, April 23, 2016

Where's the meat?

One day the humans were eating supper and I realized they didn't have any meat. Obviously they aren't very good hunters, which is why they are lucky to have me around. So I went outside while they were eating their vegetables and caught a bird for them. I hurried back to the house before their meal was over and scratched at the door. The bird was a little small for all three of them, but it's more than they had, so I figured they'd be grateful. Dylan opened the door and I quickly ran inside holding onto the bird, which wasn't quite dead yet. I headed to the living room so I could finish him off, before presenting it to the humans.  Before I reached the living room I heard my human mother say, does she have a bird in her mouth? Uh oh, I thought. She saw it before I was  ready.  Next thing I knew all three of them were chasing me around the living room for it! All I could think was, can't you people be patient? It isn't ready yet! I kept trying to get away from them but they kept cornering me. Then I accidentally dropped the bird and he flew around the living room. Everyone was racing around the room making so much noise I could hardly concentrate. I managed to catch the bird again but my human mother ran after me and I dropped it again. At that point my human dad caught the bird with a butterfly net. I was a little offended that they didn't allow me to present them with the dead bird. Maybe they were so desperate for meat that they couldn't wait. They should at least thank me for it. Instead it sounded like they were scolding me. Then I noticed something even stranger! My human dad took the bird out of the net and brought it back outside and let it go! This makes no sense to me! These meat deprived humans have gone crazy!